Return me back please: the day I realized some dumbbells in my gym went missing
I’m not gonna lie, this petty crime has kept me up at night, just thinking about how she managed to do it. The day was one of those slow gym days (I mean, who are you kidding? You’re never gonna get through with this workout). So in my procrastination, I read this sign on the dumbbell rack: “PLEASE RETURN ME BACK. Set of 2kg and 3kg”, and I think: they’ll turn up.
Few days later, they don’t, so I ask a coach about them and she nonchalantly replies: “Oh, they’re probably stolen!” I’m instantly captivated by this! I wanna know more! Another coach chimes in: “Some 1.25 kg plates in the big studio were stolen too.” But the twist is: this time, there was a sighting!
That’s the extent of the twist really, because the janitor, who witnessed the crime in real time, reported it to a coach, and this testimony just died there.
There are other reports of stolen money, personal belongings, gym towels and resistance bands. Could this gym that I’ve been frequenting for almost two years now be a den of thieves? I’m getting way ahead of myself here. Let’s take a few steps back and examine these alleged crimes, first and foremost the most obvious one of all: the missing dumbbells.
Here are my random thoughts on this: on what part of the open plan floor did it take place, I mean you take two by two to your workout space, and then, when no one’s watching, you stealthily stuff them into your bag.
But here’s a question for you: what was the look on that perp’s face? Was there a lookout? Or was it just a one-woman job? And most of all, the question that kept me awake at one in the morning was: how did she WALK OUT?
When I leave the gym I’m usually barely dragging my feet out, my walk visibly lacking any sign of grace. Yet, this woman just waltzed out with ten extra kgs on her like it was nothing? I’m starting to give more weight to this lookout-theory thing.
So I realized that my attempts at finding her and all the other perps taking all the equipment out are futile, and so I decided, before I entered a bare-looking gym, in which I just renewed my yearly subscription, that I will do my part in finding them.
I marched over to my laptop, with one question in mind: why the hell would a person capable of paying a gym subscription, be stealing stuff from it that’s worth nothing compared to what they’re paying.
As an internet user, you know that it’s a wild jungle, you google one thing and end up reading about another for maybe sometime, or longer. Anyways, the point is: I got sidetracked. I ended up reading about some petty thefts across time and space. And let me reiterate something you already know: humans are a wild species.
So without further ado, petty theft stories featuring silly humans:
- Hungry and Unemployed woman helps herself to $2.87 from the courthouse fountain, so police decide to arrest her. So, who is the victim here you might ask? Answer: the city Bellefontaine in the American state of Ohio. These silly humans didn’t think that that would help bring much attention to the woman’s situation, as she soon received thousands of dollars in an online funding campaign.
- A drunk Kiwi man breaks into a zoo to steal his girlfriend a monkey. Yeah, so that didn’t exactly happen, as he fell 8 meters into the ground, broke his leg, lost a couple of teeth, and got bitten by the monkeys he tried to steal one of. And instead of getting his girlfriend a monkey on her birthday, he got himself a three-year sentence.
Actually, that was it. The other ones I found were duds. Maybe I’ll return with some more at some point in the future. Till then, who cares? I mean it’s my blog, isn’t it?.
So, I’d like to end with this:
To the lady who walked out of my gym with 10 kgs worth of dumbbells. First of all, why? And second of all, please do return them. Human honorary codes require that we as a collective operate on trust-basis, one that obliges us not to steal from one another. We can always rethink our mistakes and just correct them. And if you don’t, I hope you get hurt by them.
